Frank Zappa (guitar, dialog)
Mark Volman (lead vocals, dialog)
Howard Kaylan (lead vocals, dialog)
Ian Underwood (woodwinds, keyboards, vocals)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
Jim Pons (bass, vocals, dialog)
Bob Harris (keyboards, vocals)
Don Preston (mini-moog)

You are... you gotta tell me something... I mean, seriously, I'm tellin' you this is the first time that any of my girlfriends and I have ever met anybody really from Hollywood... I mean, really... my girlfriend Jim, and Ian, and Aynsley, and Bob, and Frank... I mean, none of us...

Pleased to meet you...

Hi Howie

We never met a pop star from Hollywood... tell me something: have you ever met Davey Jones? or Bobby Sherman?

No.. no, I ..

I mean... David Cassady, he's so...

Jimmy Greenspoon, once I...

Three Dog Night?!!

Yeah...

Oh! I love them! They're my favorite band!.. ow gawd.. oh, do you like my new car? I'm ah.. my Dad just gave it to me for graduation..

Ah yeaah?!! I'ts a ... it's a Fillmore, isn't it? Real futuristic, ah.. I dig the fins... listen: do you know how to get to the ah Hollywood Inn from here?

No, ah.. which one is it?

(burp) excuse me. It's the one by the airport... you know... cause we gotta get up early an'.. fly outta here in the morning, y'know...

Oh, I didn't know that... Where do you guys play tomorrow night? I mean, I'd like to come maybe... in your bus or somethin'...

Yeah?..

(Voice in background):
In the BUS!

Come in the bus, huh?... Tomorrow we're in ah, let's see... Tierra del Fuego...

Ook! You're so professional, Howie!

Oh, it's not... it's nothing...

Howie, I mean, the way you gettin' tp-tp to play, an all these exotic places, I mean...

Yeah

Tell me something.. tell me and my girl-... TELL me: Do you really have a hit record... on the charts now?... with a BULLET? ... I mean that's really important to me...

Listen, honey: Would I lie to you just to get in your pants?

He-Het! Listen! Hey, listen to me tellin' ya: WE ARE NOT GROUPIES!

Naw, I never.. I never said...

We are not groupies! You better understand that!.. I told Robert Planet, I told Elton John, I told all those big guys...

Robert PLANET?!

We are not groupies!

No, I never..

Roger Daltrey never laid a hand on me!

Yaw.. it's obvious to see why... listen, I never...

(2nd non-groupie):
Howie..

(1st non-groupie):
Tell him! Tell him right now!

(2nd non-groupie):
We only like musicians for f-friends. You know?

(voices in back):
Real straight arrow, Howie, Really... just for friends, Howie...

(2nd non-groupie):
But we still like you Yeah.. we wouldn't mind coming in your bus, but..

(2nd non-groupie):
I mean, we still want to hear your record...

Listen you chicks!now didn' .. didn't you just say that you got off bein' juked with a BABY OCTOPUS and spewed upon with cream corn? an' that your hair-lipped dyke-o bass-playing girlfriend on the backseat had to have it with a YOO-HOO bottle or she went apeshit?!..

Ooooh..

What's the deal, baby? Come on..

Howie! Howie, lissen yo me... all that's true..

Come across..

To be continued...